John Carter (2012)

  • DIRECTED BY: Andrew Stanton
  • STARRING: Taylor Kitsch, Lynn Collins, Samantha Morton, Willem Dafoe, Thomas Haden Church, Mark Strong
  • RATED: PG-13
  • OPINION STARS: 2 out of 5
  • THIS FILM IS: Blase, Mediocre, Unexciting
DESCRIPTION: One minute, grizzled Civil War veteran John Carter (Kitsch) is hiding from Apaches in a deserted cave. The next, he’s waking up on Mars, a once-Earthlike planet now deteriorating into chaos – and fighting a civil war of its own.
  • VIOLENCE & GORE: 7/10
  • FRIGHTENING CONTENT: 5/10
  • FOUL LANGUAGE: 3/10
  • MATURE THEMES: 5/10
  • SEXUALITY & NUDITY: 4/10
NOTE: Based on the series by Edgar Rice Burroughs. I’d love to tell you that this movie is not as bad as everyone’s making it out to be – but I would be lying if I did. John Carter is a massive disappointment. It looks gorgeous, and I usually love Andrew Stanton’s work: but it’s frustrating to see a tale with so much potential go to waste in a film like this. The story is jarringly uneven; the acting ranges from decent (Kitsch) to abysmal (Collins); the script is mediocre; heck, even the action sequences are bland and uninvolving. Worst of all are the characters: thinly-written, unmemorable, pathetic. What does it say that the most interesting character in the entire movie was a butt-ugly Martian puppy dog?
  • NOT RECOMMENDED

“Mars. So you name it and think that you know it. The red planet, no air, no life. But you do not know Mars, for its true name is Barsoom. And it is not airless, nor is it dead… but it is dying.”

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About In Pursuit of Copiousness

“Many clever men like you have trusted to civilization. Many clever Babylonians, many clever Egyptians, many clever men at the end of Rome. Can you tell me, in a world that is flagrant with the failures of civilisation, what there is particularly immortal about yours?”
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6 Responses to John Carter (2012)

  1. Burning Passion Reviews says:

    Yeah, I was kinda disappointed by this one, too. But I actually enjoyed watching it; it’s one of those movies with plot holes so big and dumb that you can’t help but laugh.
    Poor Taylor Kitsch, though. Every movie he’s been in has performed poorly at the box office, and only one of them—X-Men Origins: Wolverine—was anything remotely resembling good.

    • I enjoyed parts of it – especially the beginning. There were some genuinely awesome moments (like when he makes two unsuccessful escape attempts from the jailhouse). All in all, though, it was disappointing. I feel bad for Kitsch, too: he’s a good actor with great potential, but the script didn’t give him much to work with. Bummer.

  2. I’m not really interested in this one because of the immodesty (not too keen on an MC that doesn’t consistently wear a shirt), but it’s sad this wasn’t of the level of Wall-E…

  3. Jeff says:

    Hm. Disappointing. I hadn’t seen it, and thought it looked good. I’ll admit though, I’ve never read any of the books.

  4. I had low expectations going in after the reviews but I found it to be an overall enjoyable movie despite the flaws.

    -James

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